I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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