If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
