OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
