Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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