I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
