Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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