Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
