He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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