I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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