But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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