READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
