Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Randomize
