I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
