People with herpes should wear stickers.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
