I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
