I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
