Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am available for nakedness
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
