The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
