just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
