I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i came on her dog
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
