you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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