Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
