you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
