her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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