we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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