So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
