My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
