I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
