was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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