that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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