Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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