I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
