come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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