Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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