No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
