dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
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