dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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