we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
