bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
