I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
