I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
