oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
