i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
