i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
