Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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