Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
