K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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