So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
