oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
