WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
