Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
