Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
