What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
