And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
